Movin' On Up

One of the great things I achieved with finishing school was the means to get a lease on a house. Why a lease? Well at this moment I don't think I'm going to be in town for too many years; the apartment was WAY too small; and this house is within 1 minute of school since I've decided to take a few grad courses to keep the grant money rolling in.

Its a 2150 sq ft 2 bed, 1 study, and 2.5 bath. The rooms are all very large. The house seems a perfect place for me and the gf to move everything we own into it. The cats have much more room to play and to sleep.

Currently, the job prospect at Austal fell through. They seem to need more Mechanical Engineers. My talents allow me to play in a lot of different fields and hold hybrid positions (and this is what they were discussing with me), but they need more specifics at the moment. There are other opportunities around at the moment so not all hope is lost. I have not negotiated a salary at my current place of employment and there are a few places I will be applying to within the next few weeks. I hope by mid-January to be settled in for whatever job I end up at.

Closing Arguments

An era ends on Saturday the 6th at 2:00pm. I finally graduate college and enter into unknown territory. Its unknown territory because I really don't know how things are supposed to go nor what I'm supposed to do now that this phase is over. In a way, school was pretty simple for me in that I always knew what I had to do.

Graduate school is there on the horizon, but now it has become one of those "do it soon" things. I'm deathly afraid that I'll grow satisfied with life and settle for a Masters degree from South Alabama. Not that its a BAD school, but I feel that I've proven to myself that I can hang and succeed in a much more challenging environment. Something challenging in the Computer Engineering field gets me very excited and psyched-up. And I think that sums up my displeasure with USA; because it courses are mostly of a simplistic nature and do not challenge me. I don't feel the panicky need for cramming or ceaseless studying anymore like I used to. I don't think its just "coasting" either; I REALLY feel let down by most of my senior-level classes. The Computer Engineering-specific courses have been VERY disappointing for a variety of reasons. Those reasons mostly because of tenured professors seemingly stuck in the 1980s. Its quite possible that I expected too much when going into this semester; I had fully expected these courses to be the culmination of everything else. I expected them to be the explanation of the unexplained. But all they were was just a continuation, a repeat, or a huge waste of time.

I hope I never get satisfied with what I have accomplished. In my life's experience, I KNOW for a fact that I am at my best when I am challenged and forced to adapt or fail. I absolutely must never forget that doctoral work waits for me in the field of my choice and that it awaits me as the ultimate challenge. I'd like to believe I'll get my PhD before I turn 35; but its going to take some effort on my part not to give in like I did back then.

The next 6 days are going to be pure hell on earth and I'm glad I had a bit of vacation time before it all comes to an end.

Great day, great week, great month, great year

The best thing I ever did was come back to school. It has literally changed my life. I was lost and searching for something I could not find and a whole new world opened up before my eyes. Old gifts, old passions, and old memories came rushing back and over time I have finally discovered who I really am. It is impossible to describe how fulfilling it is to find your own identity and it is impossible to comprehend unless you've been there. I have never been so excited for my own future and I encourage anyone contemplating returning to school to put everything you have into it; because you will receive that effort back by more than another order of magnitude.

Positive Day

Well today I took my cat, Tyler Durden, to the vet; he seems to have been having urinary tract problems. He seemed to be in pain and didn't move very much. He didn't eat, drink, or use the litter box. During the second day of this, I couldnt take it anymore: I decided to eat the big emergency fee and just say "fuck it". The older version of me would have bought into the "wait until the last minute" that I inherited from my father. Tyler might well have been dead from a ruptured bladder at that point and I'd have never forgiven myself.

He's chilling out at the vet, who is now monitoring him to make sure he can urinate on his own. They sedated him and used manual pressure to get him to urinate. Seems that I'm going to need the special food for him. I don't care though, I'm just glad he's alright.

Today I also finally figured out how to get Altera's software suite working on my computer (mostly). The software that comes with their DE2 board is OLD. I run Vista64 on my quad-core and if I need XP, I run a virtual machine.

I successfully was able to build/generate a NiosII chip/environment and can download and run programs on it. Next step is to get the MicroC/OS-II port to work with the development environment. School in 8 hours, so I'm going to bed.

More Updates

So my niece Reagan was born on Friday afternoon. 6lbs 13ozs and a bundle of joy to go with it. I guess its been said many times, but babies that are related to you in some way bring out much happiness.

I won't say it made me reflect on my life when I wouldn't have otherwise, because thats a common occurrence for me. But it did make me think about what I want for my own children in the future. Maybe I'll discuss that sometime.

More ketchup:
So I graduate from the University of South Alabama on December 6th with a Bachelors of Science in Computer Engineering. I must say it has been a very long and hard-fought battle; many have died in my wake. I feel so lazy lately, but I seem to be getting the work done and getting the grades I want. I'm unsure if its because I'm used to doing MORE work to get good grades and that I've just gotten really good at learning; or if the classes are just a lot easier. One would think the senior and graduate level courses would be more difficult. I find my world-experience prepares me for the more applied nature of these courses.

I'm attempting to get a Research Assistantship (RA) at Georgia Tech for Spring Semester in their PhD program for Computer Engineering. Yeah, I'm skipping the Masters program altogether. I really want to do original research and don't want to ride in on someone's lab-coattails for work I could have done myself. I plan on doing research involving Machine Intelligence with Aerospace and/or Military applications.

I find a lot of PhD-people in this field really ARE NOT well-versed in a broad sense. I realize PhD-work is supposed to be very specific, but I don't think its worth much in a career situation unless one is at least up-to-date with the rest of the field. Why learn about Machine Intelligence if you don't know much about CPU-design?

The Holy Grail of Artificial Intelligence is Transcendence of thought from a machine. Not a day goes by that I don't think about the different aspects of how such a monumental task could be accomplished. There are many different facets to the design of such a thing covering a large field in Computing and Biology. If I had the startup capital, I would go pick up about 20 top students from around the world and bring them together to build it. I'd bring several Mathematicians, distributed computing wizards, Neural Network and Fuzzy Logic masters, and a couple very imaginative geniuses. What I've learned in my education is that CPU/GPU speed is totally off the charts compared to even 5 years ago. The parallel processing capabilities of the human brain haven't been matched yet, but I'd bet something more primitive could have already been surpassed by one of the ATI or Nvidia GPUs.

So what if it wouldn't be as smart as a human. Giving a machine the learning capabilities of even just a cat or a dog would put a big "do you remember when?" bookmark in history. I'm being extremely over-simplistic here, but I don't care to discuss some of the finer details on implementation on a blog.

Back to school tomorrow. At least my AC works again.

Luck of the Irish

So it appears I am super lucky. I come home from class and my AC in my apartment is shot. It blows room temperature air and thus is little more than expensive fan. I have to call maintenance tomorrow and hope for a quick fix. My niece is being born tomorrow morning too. Looks like my schedule will be quite hectic.

The Day After

So maybe after watching last night's Southpark episode, I might have been a bit grossed out.  Anyone else?

I love Southpark. They are able to point at glaring holes in everything from politics to religion and exploit them for great satire.  I wonder if last night's episode was more about shock-value.

For those of you that don't know, it involves George Lucas and Steven Speilberg RAPING Indiana Jones.  At first it is metaphorically and there is some auditory assistance.  Later on, however, Stan begins having very visual dreams and other characters have very vivid flashbacks of what they "saw" in the movie.  And its extremely graphic... I cannot believe they got that on TV.  Not that I say it shouldnt be there, but you'd think the censors would come out in full-force against that one.  I'm still waiting on the fallout from it; but may be waiting a while because of all the market calamity.

Here's a link to a nice description: 

GM is burning! Hoorah!  Years of mismanagement, overpaying workers to build shit-cars and shit-trucks, and resistance to mandatory regulations (like seatbelts!) are finally cashing in.  I made a prediction 2 years ago that GM would crash and burn in 5 years.  I started thinking they might possibly turn it around, but now they've got the Volt rushed (when the Li-Ion batteries catch fire, you heard it from me!) and their massive financial losses without corrective actions are coming to bite them in the ass!

Let em burn!!!!

Where does the greener grass grow?

Here I am again.  I've brought the cliche' "long overdue update" again.  I might even push it further by not posting again for several years.  It appears a couple things have changed with regards to the blog itself; its more of a google-owned entity now and it shows - much more mature software.

I've got 1 month and 28 days left until I finally graduate college.  It appears the last post I made was in a time long ago and a galaxy far, far away.  I know what happened and I know why I'm here.  I'll let my hard work speak for itself and leave it at that.

Car has been giving me fits lately.  Replaced an O-ring on the head-to-waterpump neck (it was missing).  Water that came out from its removal dripped into the alternator.  So I guess I felt like being a dumbass and cranking the car before the water evaporated.  Two days later, the alternator-is-dead light came on when I went to get the mail.  $150 later, I've got a lifetime warrantied refurb in there cranking out the amps.

A/C still doesnt work, I guess thats my next project.  I dont see myself being able to fix it in a reasonable amount of time, however.  I have a feeling that its the evaporator being old causing the system to lose the R134.  Unforunately, it is located behind the passenger-side airbag and requires removing the entire dash.  Wouldnt you know it, the dash in the SC300 is supremely time consuming to remove.  If I do all that work, I'm going to want new interior parts too.

Turbo kit and parts are sitting in my apartment... still.  Megasquirt2 is assembled over on my bench.  I've been putting it off.  Mainly due to anxiety of it not working in the car since I used a bobo-made DB37 cable for my hacked harness.  I have a new half-harness from diyautotune sitting in front of me.  I'm assembling a new DB37 cable with it and will be making a better conversion harness for my SC300 after its built.  I bought a nice heat gun for it too.  Lots of stuff to do on that front, but its still: MS2 on stock fuel, install bigger injectors and tune, install turbokit and tune, be happy.

I'm done for tonight.  Too much coding, too little sleep.  Is it bad when you have the same dream over and over again but alternating in C#, 68K assembly, and VHDL?

Long long overdue update

Wow. What a difference three months make in our lives.

In my last post, it looks like I was planning on Army, had no job, and had generally lost my way; but didnt know it yet.

Around a week after the last post, I got my job back at TGI Fridays. It wasnt the same job though. I had several months of rest and was in the best physical shape of my life. At fridays, they had lost (or were losing) many servers, bartenders, and bussers to the new restaurants opening in town.

Macaroni Grille, Bonefish Grill, and Cooper Ts all opened within a month of each other. They are all higher-end restaurants and attract the upper echelon of servers (or at least those that thing they are) . The unintended benefit was being understaffed, severely.

How is this a benefit? Well, at times, yes; it was hell on earth. Food out late, always super busy, etc. You needed some real endurance to handle the job full time. When agreeing to come back, I negotiated absolutely NO day shifts and NO doubles, period. This allowed me to set up a schedule for everything. Had planned sleep-time, etc. Well the benefit is MAJOR CASH. Sections were always full sized (4 to 5 tables) and your tables were ALWAYS full. There werent enough servers to cover the entire restaurant, so your section stayed full all night long on a wait. This guarenteed some MAJOR sales; and major sales translate into major cash.

Last year, I was averaging about $80/night at Fridays, peaking by making around $130 or so. When I came back, I had new experience from Outback and more foodservice time, so I was able to really rock the house :) My goal everynight was to make at least $100. I succeeded almost everynight. But on many nights, I was pushing the envelope for tips. Several weeks I took home more than $600 in cash, and on one or two weeks I was bringing home over $700. In Mobile, Alabama; where average income is $18k/year and me working in an average restaurant, this is RETARDED money.

It started dying off a bit; traffic slowed; and they finally were able to hire more help. Just in time for me to be brought to the bar. There weren't enough servers to cover any part of my schedule; so I took it upon myself to come in on offdays and train. I worked for 2 weeks straight with no days off. They bumped me to the bar schedule too and I began full-blown training. I was still picking up shifts as a server to make money since training pay sucks.

Finally, I became verified and began to receive full pay. And Oh My God did I receive full pay. Currently, I am averaging $170 per night. Granted bartenders only work 4 nights a week unless they pick up shifts; its still hella money. I walked with $720 last week, and it was dead on some nights. Thats the big difference. Dead nights as a server will kill your tips... you'll walk with maybe $50-$60. Dead nights as a bartender mean you make only $150ish. Its less work and much more pay. I've got to say I'm enjoying it a lot.

I'll update later with personal life updates about Aimee and Amanda. :)

What it takes to WIN

Currently Reading
Full House: The Spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin
Author: Stephen Jay Gould


Well New Years came and went. I guess everyone is making their New Year's Resolutions that they'll break about 2 weeks later. Lisa and Jeff came over a lot the past few days; I got to see my little neice: a 1.5lb Minature Pomeranian puppy. Her name is Dixie and she's a big fluffball. I'll have to post some pictures up later; we have a great one of her standing inside the refridgerator, looking backwards at the camera.

I got some great reading material for Christmas and I've read one book already. Its the book offered by http://www.warrior-mentor.com Its a Special Forces selection handbook; it goes into the dirty details that you'll face while at SAFS. Teaches you different methods of boot lacing, boot care, etc and other tips that will save your ass big time while at selection.

I've recently been working up goals to reach with my training. I think part of the problem of my laziness with training as of late is not having a well defined goal. Its more or less stumbling around in the dark; which won't work obviously.

My first goal is to be able to max out the APFT before I even enter basic training. When trying out for Special Forces, all of your scores in the APFT (Army Physical Fitness Test) are based upon the 17-21 age range. As you get older, normally the requirements drop slightly over time. So I have to max the APFT for the younger age range; since I'm now an old bastard and in the 22-26 year old bracket :)

The APFT is divided into 3 subtests: Pushups in 2 minutes, Situps in 2 minutes, and a two-mile run. I can do quite a few in all three; my training over the past years has helped tremendously. But after my long break, I've got to work hard to catch up; and then even harder to max the score. 71 repititions are needed on the pushup subtest for a perfect score of 100. 78 situps are needed for a score of 100, and the two mile run must be done in 13 minutes for a score of 100; which is flying. That is a perfect score.

What's freaky; is that in SAFS there will be people that score perfect; and it won't be enough; you have to pass all of the other stuff too. But since I cannot control that at this point, I have a clearly defined goal to strive towards. I will need to do BETTER than perfect on the APFT. So when I do get in, I will never have to worry about that side of it. Only the mental and physical toughness required for 30 kilometer ruck-marches and using the good head I have on my shoulder to learn quickly. From all that I've read; I've found exceptionally high ASVAB scores in 18X have an exponentially higher chance of success. Intelligence in Special Forces tryouts gives the student an enormous advantage; because they arent stressed as much while learning; so they are able to handle more at once without having trouble.

I hope that a better-than-perfect score on the APFT and my intelligence advantage are enough of an advantage to get me over the top :) The goal is a <13 min 2 miler, 100 pushups, and 100 situps. :) It will be AWESOME if I can get this before basic. I've got a plan all dialed up; combining 2 week phases of continuous low-intensity jogging over long periods and interval training over similar time periods; then with an assessment week afterwards to see my progress. We will see. I will keep progress on this blog :)

18X: the MOS that scared me

Currently Reading
Full House: The Spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin
Author: Stephen Jay Gould

Well, the title begs a little explanation I think.

In the Army, there are many jobs or specialties that soldiers choose upon entry or at various times. They have to qualify mentally and physically for them of course, and several have intense training that must be passed as well.

They are divided into numerical groups and call MOS; short for Mission Operation Specialty. MOS series 11 is for infantry, for instance. Within each grouping, there is another identifier that describes more specifically what a soldier's "job" is. 11A is like a rifleman, 11B is fire support, 11C could be like grenadier or something like that; I'm not sure.

Well the Special Forces MOS number is 18. Normally, you have to try out for the special forces when you've been in the Army for a few years. I believe you've got to be an E4 or E5 ranking; most people go in as an E1 or E2 to give an idea. 18A being Weapons Sergeant, 18D medic, etc. Well recently, the Army has created a NEW specific MOS for people who want to jump directly into the Special Forces group tryouts: 18X. Basically you are given a combination of Basic and AIT school together for an extended time period. Like 15 weeks for one station instead of Basic that normally lasts 9 weeks. Its called OSUT and stands for One-Station Unit Training. Its designed for infantry guys actually. After that you go into a special course specifically designed for the 18X boys. Its to get you up to speed and ready to go for the Special Forces assessments. Its very new and called SOPC. Its prepatory course to get you ready.

Well it works very well; and I was misled into thinking the dropout rate was higher; when in actuality the PASSING rate when compared to regular soldiers is MUCH higher; like double. It is that fear that kept me from considering it to be a legitamate option. Because if you fail and dropout you are put into the infantry. Not a bad MOS and not to knock those in it; but not something I wanted to do; especially after scoring a 97 on the ASVAB.

Now, after reading some good material that I've gotten for Christmas; I'm seriously considering that option over going in as an Army Ranger. Rangers are the best infantrymen in the world, period. But Green Berets are the best at Unconventional Warfare; which covers many many topics. They are given much more abstract goals and missions and then expected to carry them out however they can.

Twas the Night Before Christmas

Currently Reading
Full House: The Spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin
Author: Stephen Jay Gould



TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF
PLASTER AND STONE.

I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY
WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO
IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.

I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,
NOT EVEN A TREE.

NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,
JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES
OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.

WITH MEDALS AND BADGES,
AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT
CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,
IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A MARINE,
ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.

THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING,
SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR
IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.

THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE,
THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED
A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.

WAS THIS THE HERO
OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO,
THE FLOOR FOR A BED?

I REALIZED THE FAMILIES
THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE MARINES
WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.

SOON ROUND THE WORLD,
THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE
A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.

THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM
EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE MARINES,
LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.

I COULDN'T HELP WONDER
HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE
IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.

THE VERY THOUGHT
BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES
AND STARTED TO CRY.

THE MARINE AWAKENED
AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
"SANTA DON'T CRY,
THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;

I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,
I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD,
MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS."

THE MARINE ROLLED OVER
AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT,
I CONTINUED TO WEEP.

I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,
SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED
FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.

I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE
ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR
SO WILLING TO FIGHT.

THEN THE MARINE ROLLED OVER,
WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA,
IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."

ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH,
AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,
AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT."

This poem was written by a Marine stationed in Okinawa Japan.The following is his request. I think it is reasonable.....

PLEASE. Would you do me the kind favor of relaying this to as many! people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is dueto our U.S.service men and women for our being able to celebrate thesefestivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what weowe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, whosacrificed themselves for us. Please, do your small part to plant thissmall seed.

Overcome

Currently Reading
Full House: The Spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin
Author: Stephen Jay Gould


Lately, I find myself at the end of the stick I use to beat lazy people. When doing work, or study, or something like that; I'm fine, I have no issue, in fact I have fun doing it. Its getting myself motivated to start.

I need to go work on my car. Well I don't want to do it today, I'll go do it tomorrow... and then that stretches to the next day. And then the next. It looks on the surface that I'm afraid of doing the work or that I don't want to do the work. I honestly don't believe that. I think its more of some kind of mental block that tries to dissuade me from doing it. I love doing the work, I like the satisfaction I feel when I fix something or when I learn something really eye-opening. Its not the actual act that I avoid; its the first step.

When I think about it, its really how a lot of things have been. Afraid of talking to that girl... but if I'm in a random conversation with someone, its no problem; I'm laid back and not afraid of anything. Its just getting there; thats the battle I have to fight. This applies to so many things; I presume this is a theme to my life thus far. Not really something to feel too positive about.

First steps I take,
not actions I make;
Are what push me aside,
so to falter and hide.

Kyoto Revisited

Currently Reading
Full House: The Spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin
Author: Stephen Jay Gould



After my harsh assessment earlier in the week about the Bush admin's stance on the Kyoto Treaty, I did a little research into possible reasons WHY they would decline an obviously positive thing.

Turns out, its not so positive. Liberal media has decided to take it upon themselves to CREATE the Admin's reasoning for not joining. I say create, because their main reason was because of the motives behind this treaty.

Its common knowledge that the United States is hated in the world. Whether you want to claim that we deserve it, or claim that its envy; thats beside the point. The point being is that the United Nations and the World Court system is run by a bunch of people and countries that hate the United States. France, Russia, Germany, the Middle East, China, etc. Its become a total farce... weak and "weekly government" African countries have as much power as stronger nations and its very pathetic and weak.

Where am I going with this? Well the penalties of not reaching these goals, is that people in your country (not sure if its the admin or corp-heads or what) are brought to TRIAL in the World Court. That doesnt sound too bad on the outside; until you realize this organization (and almost all worldwide organizations) are run by people that hate us (for whatever reason you choose to believe). The people that would be doing the inspections are run by people that hate us. They want to take us down; they hate our culture and they hate the way we handle things. We all have our opinions of that and I'm doing nothing but stating the truth.

Do you want a super-biased team coming into our country and "finding" something that we arent doing right and then unilaterally skipping the government's involvement and holding you responsible? I don't. They seem to complain that we "police the world" and state of how much more moral authority that they have because of it. And well, this is the same thing. They can complain about how we don't donate enough money to worldwide charitable causes; who donated more money than every European nation combined to the Tsunami disaster? But when protestors peacefully march in China, because the government stripped them of their land, is creating a power-station in that area, then shoots the protestors, and then offers money to the families of victims in a hush-hush way of removing the evidence(bodies)? That to me is HORRIBLE. This info wasnt even on the news. I've had to find out more detailed info and information on Sydney's anti-Arab movement with online sources.

The liberal media doesnt report these things. I renounce my disappointment from my previous article :) Bush had WAY more people supporting him (especially people in Congress) than what the media wanted me to believe.

I can't say I'm suprised. One day they will get their due. You're supposed to report a informational and un-biased (as unbiased as possible anyway) statement of world events. Not covering up some facts and fabricating others out of thin air.

Cycles in my head

Currently Reading
Full House: The Spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin
Author: Stephen Jay Gould


I was watching 'Christmas With the Kranks' earlier tonight with my parents. Pretty funny movie actually, I'd recommend renting it; definitely a great Christmas flick.

During the movie, my mind was wandering off; and I was trying to harvest some deeper thought processes that I might have planted. And they are long overdue.

I, like anyone, always wonder if maybe I'm special compared to others. Am I smarter? Do I have other particulars to me that set me apart? Of course, the mature answer being that EVERYONE thinks about this once in a while because EVERYONE DOES have particulars that set them apart. Life as a whole; in the animal kingdom, and in the modern world; is abundant with variation within its complex systems. Of COURSE I'm special compared to others. There is no real normal.

The word 'normal' in this case, can best be described as the imaginary average that exists when applying standard deviation to a large sum of data. SURE, normal is there; it can be mathematically expressed as a line (possibly curved depending on the set of data). But just because something can be mathematically expressed; doesnt mean it can be physically described in the real world. Thats pretty obvious, I guess. I think most people have to find their own description of 'normal'. For me, it'd have to be this geeky way. But it amazes me that it popped in my head while watching a movie about a couple doing something DEFINITELY not normal; by attempting to skip Christmas.

In thinking of the ways I'm different from the calculated average, I've always known I was smarter than the average guy. Of course, 'smartness' can be really vague, and I guess I've expressed it about as vaguely as possible. :) My intelligence stems from the ability to remember things very clearly; and to totally absorb subjects that I'm interested in (and their particular associated facts). I've known this for my entire life. But it never ceases to amaze me. I can spend 1 month with great interest in a subject; I turn around and look at myself; and I feel like I can just understand everything so much more clearly. And by everything, I mean everything in life. How offhanded subjects apply to real life; MY real life.

For instance, I've just expressed being 'normal' as an expression of sabermetrics. And the definition TOTALLY works with me. It makes MORE sense to me than someone just saying "everyone is different". Larger standard deviations are the spice of life you know? *geeky laugh*

You may be reading this and thinking: "This guy is so totally self-absorbed." And you'd have a good case, definitely. But I use this blog to sort my thoughts and to develop my brainpower.

My title of this blog entry, being 'Cycles in my head' DOES have a point, I promise. The cycles I'm describing, are my cycles of learning. I'm somewhat like a locust, I'll learn many things about a subject that I'm totally engrossed in, and then I'll get bored and sit stagnant. I feel HORRIBLE when I'm stagnant. My mind wanders and goes blank, I cant sleep, and I have no motivation for anything. I only feel REALLY alive when I'm learning something of which I am interested.

Why not just always be intersted in something? That's a great question. I've tried, but I have a difficult time forcing myself to be intersted in something. Me being interested means that I will research that subject into late hours of the night. Always learning little things as I go along while I search for a question to the answer I already have. Sometimes I find the question, and then I'm still interested and I keep going. Other times I don't, I get bored; and then I have to wait until something else comes along.

I'm currently searching for something. Not just the cultural study; or the civilization stuff... or THE natural science (which includes everything from darwinism to psychology to geology)... I guess I'm searching for others like me. Others that make posts like this. I've searched on Xanga, searched on google, and searched by hitting random blogs here. I just can't find anyone doing it. No one seems to step back and write an analytical statement about themselves; its always a criticism of something outside. It is this trend I'm seeing here, in a world full of mathematically-expressed averages, that I wonder if no one else really does this. Am I the only one?

I sincerely hope not. Next time I think I will write something on exercising my brain; not just with knowledge, but with experience.

Heisman goes to Bush

Currently Reading
Full House: The Spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin
Author: Stephen Jay Gould


And who would have thought of it? Reggie Bush wins the Heisman.... by a landslide victory: 89% of the 1st place votes. Makes me wonder where the other 11%went, because the other two candidates just didnt really stack up against this guy.

Colts play tomorrow. In Jacksonville. I can't wait :)

Russian Spiderman

Currently Reading
Full House: The Spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin
Author: Stephen Jay Gould

I've seen stuff like this before; but this kid is amazing. There's no way cops could catch him if needed. I've never seen people do this for real outside of Jackie Chan and a few rare others; and even they didnt show as much skill as this guy.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=515642196227308929&q=russian

Bruce Willis tried to join the military?

Currently Reading
Full House: The Spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin
Author: Stephen Jay Gould

Unreal. I just found out by a credible source that Bruce Willis tried to join the military! Thats just unreal! I never knew he supported the troops so much; thats incredible. Also now going to possibly star in a positive movie about the war.

On a side note. I wanted to make sure everyone saw this dispatch. From back in May obviously... but the picture is stated as 'being the image of the Iraq war'. Very interesting account of how and when this photo was taken:
http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/2005/05/little-girl.html

Kyoto BS by the Bush Admin

Currently Reading
Full House: The Spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin
Author: Stephen Jay Gould


Ok... I've never really gotten angry at the Bush Administration yet. Its done some things I havent agreed with; but thats politics and I chose them over a touchy-feely liberal pussy from MA... most obvious choice to me at the time. You'll rarely, if ever, see me posting slobbery posts of religious or political dogma (if I can recognize it of course, and I encourage the reader to 'please do'), but this has got my temper going.

But this stuff that happened at the Kyoto meeting in Montreal today... its got me pretty damn angry. For those of you not in the know, the Kyoto Treaty is a worldwide standard drawn up by many countries to combat worldwide pollution and emissions. Many of the worlds largest polluters are/were on the group. Basically the protocal has a set standard that all nations agree to follow and reach by 2012. The standard being a limitation on emissions. I'm not familiar with the particulars or if any penalties are present for not meeting the goals.

But basically it encourages some kind of government investment in cleaning up; via technology and/or new laws about emission standards (from anything like automobiles to papermills). "...the 1997 treaty protocol that was initialed in the Japanese city of Kyoto and mandates cutbacks in 35 industrialized nations of emissions of carbon dioxide and five other gases by 2012."

Why am I pissed? In 2001, the Bush admin rejected the accord and wouldnt sign... basically walking out of the conference in effect. I didnt know that, since I wasnt into worldwide events much. But NOW the admin is claiming that meeting the proposed standards would damage our economy....

*pause*

WTF?!? First off, if its done intelligently, it won't damage the damn economy, it would only improve it. It would force more government investment in the technology sector (what the Americans are best at!) for alternative fuels and other tech for reducing all sorts of emissions. There are tons of options already out there; they are small but many are proven ideas that work; they just need some sort of major investment.

Biodiesel being a HUGE idea, the research is already there and small refinery companies are already making it in small quantities. They put off nowhere NEAR the emissions of a standard diesel fuel, the emissions smell like popcorn (seriously!) and arent harmful, AND it works in nearly any diesel vehicle; provided a few small upgrades are done; like old fuel hoses replaced, etc (thats standard maintenance anyway).

I have really backed up the prez, the administration, etc in a lot of things that were questionable. I don't think our reasoning was perfect for going into Iraq, but I still believe in what we are doing over there. I don't agree with the way its being run; there's a lot of ideas I've had that are very simple, that they are evidently not doing. (think Lojack and people being kidnapped). But this has gotten me angry. There is ABSOLUTELY no reason for why they say no, unless we are so far above the standard that the investment would be too large. But in 35 industrialized nations? I bet one of them is possibly China or Brazil; both bigger polluters than we are!!! We could do it. The environmental change has to REALLY start at the government level... because the major polluters won't change from just the population wanting it; our cars are a good example-> we don't make them.

This is beginning to make me seriously question myself here. And I hate it.

Ma! I can read!!!

Well now that I've become attuned to his style of writing, I can say he definitely uses a Thesaurus at times; he even admits to it. But his style of writing is at least continuous, so after a little exposure, I'm understanding it much better now.

So far all of it has been about laws of variation and diversity among animal species, sports, and all kinds of stuff. He explores misconceptions about averages in how they don't tell the story when the data is skewed in different directions... and how our ignorance of this has led to many errors in judgement about all kinds of things.

One example pertains to horses, previously claimed as one of the more successful species alive, and has more research applied to it than any other mammal. Always shown (as much of evolution described in textbooks) as a ladder of 'evolving' from old to new (and presumed even in our writing, bad to good). While the real data totally overlaps itself. There were 16 species of horse in North America 15 million years ago... and today there is only one major genus; and it covers modern horses, zebras, donkeys, etc. Horses actually evolved in North America and migrated to Eurasia; only barely surviving by the skin of their teeth (only one genus left) and then being brought back.

It goes on to describe how variation is truly the medium of success and you cant take sheer numbers or ladder-based systems to show its 'progress' or evolution. Modern horses are described as nothing but a twig on a big tree of horses and their ancestors (called Old-world horses). Humans are very similar; we're a twig on a twig on a big tree of primates heh. How is that possible? Well our species name is Homo Sapiens Sapiens.... thats right, we're a sub-species of Homo Sapiens, which is also a dead end of a certain family of primates (there's no one left!).
Basically it shows our error in showing a ladder when instead its more like a bush. He also goes into the .400 batting average myth and early statistics of Mesothelioma (which he was diagnosed with early in life but beat the odds of an '8 month median of mortality).

Interesting book so far, and its all leading up to his main arguments later in the book... like laying a foundation to place his arguments upon. And I apologize if I got any facts incorrect, I usually reread a chapter to make sure I understand and get it right. For posterity of course :D

Funny phrase from the book, at the close of a chapter discussing horses and their success (or lack thereof): "As a footnote to life's little joke [species numbers with no variation isnt a successful species], I remind readers that one other prominent (or at least parochially beloved) mammalian lineage has an equally long and extensive history of conventional depiction as a ladder of progress--yet also lives today as the single surviving species of a formerly more copious bush [subtree on the tree of life]. Look in the mirror, and don't be tempted to equate transient domination with either intrinsic superiority or prospects for extended survival." It made me laugh out loud. LOL in fact.