Wednesday, December 14, 2005


Currently Reading
Full House: The Spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin
Author: Stephen Jay Gould

Lately, I find myself at the end of the stick I use to beat lazy people. When doing work, or study, or something like that; I'm fine, I have no issue, in fact I have fun doing it. Its getting myself motivated to start.

I need to go work on my car. Well I don't want to do it today, I'll go do it tomorrow... and then that stretches to the next day. And then the next. It looks on the surface that I'm afraid of doing the work or that I don't want to do the work. I honestly don't believe that. I think its more of some kind of mental block that tries to dissuade me from doing it. I love doing the work, I like the satisfaction I feel when I fix something or when I learn something really eye-opening. Its not the actual act that I avoid; its the first step.

When I think about it, its really how a lot of things have been. Afraid of talking to that girl... but if I'm in a random conversation with someone, its no problem; I'm laid back and not afraid of anything. Its just getting there; thats the battle I have to fight. This applies to so many things; I presume this is a theme to my life thus far. Not really something to feel too positive about.

First steps I take,
not actions I make;
Are what push me aside,
so to falter and hide.

1 comment:

Brandy said...

Sometimes you've got to make steps in order to start walking to advance to running. When you were an infant, you crawled. When you were an toddler, you would walk...maybe half a step and then fall down but what did you do? You tried again. Now, I know that this analogy doesn't fit this to a "T" but you've got to push past the first step in order to find the rest. I know I call you a lazy bum all the time but in actuality, you're not. lol I just like teasing you. I want you to be motivated and to do the things you love to do and that please you and give you satisfaction.